A great start to the Holiday Season

The kids conquered this hay maze, the loved it. I had to get in and drag them out.

Vanna


Maddie

Ivan

Vanna and Maddie

Vanna, Ivan and Maddie

I had a real busy weekend. Straight from work on Friday I joined mike at champions to hang out with some of his old friends. I did get a talk from one of his closest friends that mike is really planning for a wedding in our near future....Do I want to be married to him? Can we live the life of eternal bliss no matter what comes our way? more on that at a later date. Saturday morning woke up to a very sick mike and two needy two year old. Thank God that I have them. I went into the salon at noon and got a short hair cut. I have not had short hair in about 6 years and I hated it then. love it now, it gives me a hip mom look and its super easy to do. Then I went from that to watching my nephews while my sister emptied her house for new carpet. four kids can really make you wanna go crazy, plus my help is sick in bed. No sleep on Saturday night cuz the baby didn't feel well. stressful but quality filled day will all four kids. no sleep last night cuz both sister and nephew slept with me. a sacrifice I am always happy to make :)

I woke up this morning to my annoying alarm clock and rolled to see my sweet nephew sleeping right next to me. I got up and got ready for work. Gave my sleeping sister a huge sisterly love hug, kissed my nephews and started to work. Half way to work I realized I forgot my phone. I went back and got it but was happy to see while sitting at a red light a little rainbow. A small reminder from God that there is always hope.

My sister and I did take the kids to the Pumpkin Farm last night. They had a blast!

Trying to Keep Up

It's hard to keep up. I do everything I am suppose to on the outside but the crazy girl on the inside is dying to get out. I have such a wonderful life but I take it for granted.

This past week at church I realized that God has a plan for me and it is up to me to trust him and follow him or do it my own way. So far I have done it my own way. Things didn't work out the way I planned. I wanted to fall in love, get married, have tons of babies and just have the fairy tale. I thought all I had to do was just waste time until this all fell in my lap. I wasted time by partying and being young and crazy. I got drunk, had unprotected sex and now everything in my life revolves around those mistakes that I made. I love my children and Mike but this was not my fairy tale and because I did not trust God, I am paying for my mistakes. Things are good, but we do have to work a little harder for them. Mike and I don't have the love story I always dreamed of, but we are learning to love one another. I don't get a second chance to go back and change things but I can trust God and follow him so that my future is in his hands. Believe that its not too late for happily ever after.

I deal with the crazy girl inside. She doesn't want to work and just wants to play. She doesn't care if the house is a mess or if the kids had a bath. She is just holding on for the next beer or next cigarette to get me through. I just need to remember when I need comfort I don't have to turn to things, I can just turn to God. That is funny because its so easy but yet it feels much harder. I would honestly feel more comfortable just drinking her away. Unforunately that only shuts her up for a little while.

I will be fine. I am going to marry Mike, he has promised me more kids and I am going to be happy. I think I am going to go my see my doctor about changing my depression meds tho. :\

Potty Time

So we are potty training or least trying. my daughters will not use the potty for me. They go for daddy, grandma, the babysitter, everyone but me. We have a reward system where they get a sticker to put on their potty chart. Today when the girls woke up I asked them if they wanted to earn a sticker and go potty and they both yelled "no" at me. 3 minutes later Maddie sits on the potty for mike. they follow me into the bathroom and when they hear me pee they say, "good girl, momma" "you get a sticker" "your a big girl". yet they refuse to go potty for me. I feel like I am failing at this part of motherhood. they are with me more than anyone but they wont go. I don't want to force them because I don't want going to be a bad thing or something they don't like to do. what do i do?

wordless wednesday

Friday was a good day!

other life changing events

I just finished the book "love the one you are with".  It basically is about a woman in a content marriage meets up with an old boyfriend with whom she had a very passionate relationship with.  All in all she thinks that she shouldn't be married to her husband because their relationship isn't filled with passion.  This hit me very close to home.  At the end I read this paragraph that has answered a lot of questions I have had....

"Sometimes there are no happy endings.  No matter what, I'll be losing something, someone.

But maybe that's what it all comes down to.  Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way.  And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make it all."

This is huge for me and I even opened up to mike and shared it with him.

Nope, try again.