other life changing events

I just finished the book "love the one you are with".  It basically is about a woman in a content marriage meets up with an old boyfriend with whom she had a very passionate relationship with.  All in all she thinks that she shouldn't be married to her husband because their relationship isn't filled with passion.  This hit me very close to home.  At the end I read this paragraph that has answered a lot of questions I have had....

"Sometimes there are no happy endings.  No matter what, I'll be losing something, someone.

But maybe that's what it all comes down to.  Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way.  And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make it all."

This is huge for me and I even opened up to mike and shared it with him.

Nope, try again.

What's this familiar feeling?

So a few weeks ago I went in for the U/S for my IUD and got the call earlier this week that everything is just fine. Great, great!
Saturday, I go to meijers with my mom and get so dizzy that I have to call Mike and have him come pick me up. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I can not get enough sleep to save my life. I am still exhausted today but am able to deal with it and just go to bed early. Then, as always with a period, I crave CARBS. pasta, breadsticks, pizza anything I can get my hands on. The strange thing that bothers me is (forgive me is this is TMI) my nipples hurt, bad. This was the trigger for me to take a pregnancy test with the girls.
When I was at the doctor a few weeks ago they did a pregnancy test and it was negative. Is it possible, could it be? Should I take another PT?

old pictures i found

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IUD

My daughters are the light of my life. Part of the time they drive me up the wall crazy but the rest of the time, when they are being angels, makes up for it all. My plans are to have more little lights in my life, at least one, maybe two. Mike isnt so much big on the idea of two more but we will see. After the girls were born I made the discussion to have an IUD placed in because with twins I decided that it would be best to wait for at least three years to have more babies. Plus Mike is so fertile I think he can get me pregnant by shaking hands.

Of course now that the girls are 2 1/2 I have baby fever (which is sometimes cured when my nephews spend the night). Mike is still not ready for another child and I respect that. So as I wait in the last two months I have had spotting and bleeding almost everyday. I finally called the doctor because this is not normal with the IUD. I went in for a pelvic exam and they took a lot of test and told me that I need to go that day and have an ultrasound to find the IUD because it does not appear to be in the right place. At the ultrasound the tech told me everything looked fine. (I would just like to say though that there is something very sad and lonely about an ultrasound with no babies inside.)

Finally on Tuesday afternoon I got a call from the nurse for my doctor and she said that "the IUD is in the uterus". unfortunatley she did not know what that means and I need to get with my OB-GYN. I told her at the current time, my ob does not take my insurance so I couldn't just go to her. She said she would talk to the doctor and get back with me. I became worried at this point, the IUD is supposed to be in uterus cavity and I was told if its not in the correct spot it needs to be surgical removed. This struck a huge cord on my biological clock, I want more children and if the doctors screw up my uterus because they dont know what they are doing, I am not going to be very happy. Scared I called the after hours OB and he told me that he would need to see the test results first thing in the morning and get back with me. About 11am this morning I get a call from a nurse at the OB's office. She said that they need me to call and request my test results to be faxed to their office. When I called my doctor, they said to leave a message on the nurse's voicemail.

So now it is Wednesday night and I haven't heard from anyone. I am nervous to see how this is going to work out. If the IUD is ok, why am I still bleeding? but if the IUD is in wrong, what will I do for BC, will it hurt my uterus to have the doctors in there trying to remove something? When I got the IUD, one of my main concerns was how will this effect me getting pregnant again and the OB assured me that it does not. I just want a healthy girl section, so I can enjoy expanding my family.

Happy Mothers' Day

As the girls get bigger they are able to understand more about each holiday. this past year with them has been fun because they know and understand whats going on but don't get the concept. Life the day after christmas they came running out of their room and shouting "where's all the toys?" they didnt get that xmas is not everyday. so, i woke up sunday morning FREEZING cold. I grabbed extra blankets, had on velour pants and a huge sweatshirt over a t shirt. for about two hours i fought this cold feeling, i finally got up and checked my temp to see i had a fever of 100.5 ( now many times my girls are running much higher fevers than that. i have learned from the drs to not dress them warmly and no blankets. let me just say i felt like the worse mom in the world because i felt so cold i thought i could die. next time the girls get a fever, they are getting snuggled in blankets.) I felt horrible, just ached from head to toe and was shaking from being cold. about 10 am my fever broke. the girls came in wished me happy mommy day, they also gave me my gift which was a "ding ding" ( thats what maddie calls it) a wind chime.

I was in bed sick all day but a few times the girls would come and climb in bed with me and just want to cuddle. I cherished every second of it knowing how lucky i am to have two healthy baby girls, that i can hold and kiss anytime i want. THANK YOU GOD!!! that is the best mother's day present i could ever have.

Today we driving home from grandma and grandpas and maddie wanted me take her hair down. i told her she needed to leave it in but she told me "my hair is taking me crazy." i love those girls and cant wait to have more.

bummer week and its only wednesday

So this week started slow with a long Monday where I didn't want to be at work. Around 3pm my older brother called and said he was having heart palpitations and was being rushed to ER. After a few tests they sent him home and told him to followup with his doctor. While this is going on Brandy and Tracy are finding out their dog Shadow has a tumor on his brain. Tuesday Bry went back to work with some anti anxiety meds and Shadow had brain surgery.

This morning I wake up to a text from my sister that her and Ivan are in the hospital. They think Ive had pneumonia and need to keep him for a few days. I offered take Alex so her and her husband, Jeff can be with Ivan. I drive to Holland, with pizzle and the girls in tow, to get fat boy Alex. By the time we return Sara advices me Ivan is going home and she will come get Alex in the morning. Now its time to return to work. My mom comes for Alex and Mike gets home from work.

From what I hear Shadow is doing well, brother is feeling alright and Ivan is back to flicking light switches (one of his favorite past times). Tonight I get to have my sweet baby boy nephew stay with me and pray that everyone else stays healthy.

I asked Pizzle on the way home who he thought would be next him or me? no one is what I hope for.

And to top it off, Sara and Dawson's shower is this weekend and I am going to miss it :(