Greener Grass

Sometimes the grass does look greener on the other side. Sometimes i can get a little carried away throwing my emotions on the web for the world to see but sometimes i just cant help it.
Mike and I have been together for four years and starting planning a wedding for June 2011. We have a very different relationship than most but it seems to have worked for the both of us up until now. On Mothers day i was very upset that mike did not plan on letting me sleep in, i had to ask but then took a five hour nap after I got up. he took me to get food and a gift the night before. no happy wishes, no card, no special treatment. I was torn, i had to tell him this was not ok. He put up a wall and told me i was being ridiculous and that no matter what he can not make me happy. he also earlier in the day made a comment about having the girls make me mothers day cards but 'they probably got thrown away'. this crushed me. i love cards, cards are perfect for those of us who aren't good with words or showing our feelings. cards are a perfect out for mike. i always am most excited on all occasions for the card. nothing. no big deal this i can live with. so i expressed my feelings and he didn't take it well. he mentioned how he was ready if i was gonna leave he had excepted that he wouldn't be around his kids all the time and that he would love everything....where is this coming from?...I am not leaving, that's not what people do.
Is mike perfect? no. is he whom I dreamed of all my life? no. His toilet humor annoys me and he is very to himself. This is mike, this is who i learned to live a different life around. he tells me he cares for me but does not have deep feelings for me. This confuses me to no end. My feelings for mike are only deep, I care for him because of all the things the two of us have fought so hard for. I love mike because he is the father and a good father to my daughters. I see the way my children smile when their daddy makes them laugh and this makes me love. I watch him go to work and work hard to give us all everything we need and more. This is not a fairy tale love. When I was pregnant, he is a man i found attractive, respectful, smart and fun. Then the girls came and they became first, we got set in our ways and comfortable with each other.
So now I am venting because in two hours I am going to dinner with him to discuss our future. Some tell me that i should leave him and find someone who is going to give me what i need. I don't even know what that is. My sister always reminds me that whatever i chose, I am the one who has to live with it. One thing i know for sure is i just want whoever I am with to just accept me for who i am. I'm not perfect nor will i ever be. I will want one thing today and something different tomorrow, but to know that the person I am with doesn't care. go with the flow.
I have been praying today about it and about how I want God to just give me the strength to do whatever it is he wants me to do. I'm going in and letting God do the talking through me.
wish me luck cuz things are going to change.