Everyday lately has been a new challenge. I started seeing a new doctor and she wants to make some tweaks to my depression meds. She added Pamelor to the meds i am already taking. I was very excited about this. Even though the meds i am on now do keep me feeling ok, my goal is to feel good. I do not want to wake in the morning and feel like i have lost my best friend. I took the new meds for a total of 6 days. By the 6th day i found myself planning details of a suicide. when the reality of this hit me i called the doctor. they told me to stop the meds and come back to see the dr. I started feeling better within 24 hours of stopping the meds and now a week later i feel like i am back to my previous self. while on this medication i decided that i needed to make changes to my work schedule to find my time for myself. this pissed mike right off, my "supportive" significant other turn into a huge ass and told me i am selfish and lazy and need to go back to work full time instead of part time. this is something i could go on about for hours but i am not wasting time being angry. he said many horrible things to me and i don't know that i can forget them. i don't know what i am going to about my relationship with mike. i wish it worked but i cant make him be different. i believe he has bad feelings towards to me deep down but he will not admit it. this is all in Gods hands and i can not think about it. sometimes i just need to vent and i don't always have someone to vent to...so here i am.
this blog may sometimes sound crazy and not make sense but this is me trying to figure this whole thing out. let me just note, my daughter is rolling on the floor next to me crying that it is her turn! ugh! Cant i get a f-ning break!!????!!
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