Saying Goodbye

Life changes. nothing can be done sometimes. I believe life is all about learning to adjust to change. whenever we get comfortable, something changes. Changes are not always bad, some are amazing and other traumatizing.
My life change, that i have fought with for about a year now is letting go of Mike. I love him, just not enough. I wanted with all my heart to be happy with him but i could not make that happy. he wanted the same, but we both just ended up miserable. I lived the last 6 months...maybe more, questioning every minute i was with whether i wanted to spend my life like that. Sometimes even when i wasnt with him, i would get lost in trying to find the right answer. People say if you are not happy, your kids will not be happy. my kids are happy, but what if they could be happier. what if they didnt see me cry every now and then? what if they were happier and i was happier, would life feel a little better? Would my stomach hurt less, would my medicine bills go down, would i be less depressed? Then on the other hand what if everything just gets worse? Well now i have no choice, mike is done, he "checked out months ago". that hurts, life changes and now i find my daughters and i a new home. huge change when home is all we know. you would probably think why do i have to leave? mike bought the house in his name, he is just going to let it foreclose. so sad :( sweet lilac lane. we loved that house but now its a bad memory. This is will also be goodbye to this blog. I am no longer the woman that started it. My dream is the same but parts of the dream are going to be different. I can do different, I may feel a ton better, different. The new blog will be written by a strong single mom, not a sad, dumped failure.
I hate saying goodbye....i hate it. whenever my brother goes out of the state for work, we dont even make plans to see each other or talk on the phone. i hate goodbyes. so instead of goodbye, i will see you later.